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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23930683">It's 2020, Everybody's a Little Gay</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingtoforget/pseuds/writingtoforget'>writingtoforget</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>(여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:00:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23930683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingtoforget/pseuds/writingtoforget</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shuhua's always known she's liked girls. Soojin's never considered herself anything other than straight.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>617</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shuhua has never questioned her sexuality before. She’s always known she’s liked girls and she’s never had any inclination that that was going to change. Her parents were cool with it, only giving her a warning about keeping it to herself if she really wanted to be a singer, because the industry is not kind to those that are different. She makes it a point to never get involved with anyone in her company. She’s had bad break ups before, she knows people can be cruel, and she's not about to risk her career for a pretty face. That is until she meets Soojin.</p><p><br/>
Soojin is beautiful, no doubt about it, but she’s also so cute it hurts. Her onstage persona is completely different from how Soojin is in real life and Shuhua’s heart decides Soojin is the one it wants the first time they meet. Soojin had just finished an outstanding performance, and Shuhua would be lying if she said she wasn’t intimidated by the older girl. That is until Soojin comes over and asks in the softest, most unsure voice ever if she was okay. Shuhua nearly professes her love right then and there.</p><p>“It was perfect.” She had said, and Soojin smiled at her so brightly Shuhua was sure she’d never love another person as much as she loved Soojin at that moment.</p><p><br/>
Luckily for her, Shuhua’s brain was much more rational than her heart and made sure Shuhua knew Soojin was off limits. It was easier to handle her crush when she found out Soojin was dating some male trainee. It was easier to accept the fact that Soojin was straight and would never like her that way, then to spend years pining over her for no reason. So even though it hurt when Shuhua would see them together, it hurt a little less each time Shuhua reminded herself that one sided love never worked out and she should move on. It was hard in the beginning, but once they were confirmed to be in the same group, Shuhua went into professional mode and locked her feelings for Soojin so far down in her heart that sometimes she forgot they existed. It worked most of the time, but even so, there were just some things that made Shuhua wonder, that made her heart twinge with hope that maybe, just maybe Soojin wasn’t as straight as Shuhua thought. It was usually in the form of Soojin hugging her, holding her hand, or even kissing her cheek. While Shuhua’s rational mind knew it was just skinship for the fans, her poor helpless heart couldn’t help but beat with excitement each time it happened. Shuhua played along for show, getting herself used to it to numb out the dull thumping in her chest whenever Soojin got close. Shuhua exaggerates it, latches herself to the older girl and puckers her lips at her to get a reaction. Most of the time it ends with Soojin playfully shoving her away, and Shuhua is once again reminded that it isn’t real. It makes it easier, and Shuhua forgets as time goes by.</p><p>-</p><p>She hasn’t thought about Soojin that way in what seems like forever. They’re on their fifth release by the time Shuhua notices something has changed in the group’s dynamic. The girls are strewn across the studio, studying the lyrics of their new title track that Soyeon has once again made for them. Shuhua is glad she’s in a group with someone like Soyeon, it makes their music better, their sound more distinct. She’s so into memorizing the lyrics that she’s not really processing them.</p><p><br/>
“Uh, Soyeon?”</p><p><br/>
Soojin’s voice drags Shuhua out of her own thoughts.</p><p><br/>
“Hm?” Soyeon hums, not taking her eyes off the screen infront of her.</p><p><br/>
She’d been pulling up the track so she could play the guide for them.</p><p><br/>
“What’s up with these lyrics?”</p><p>Shuhua looks down at her paper, she hadn’t noticed anything wrong with the lyrics. She quickly scans them again, still not registering what Soojin is asking.</p><p>“What?” Soyeon says, finally turning to look at the rest of them.</p><p>“Well… they’re just…” Soojin can’t seem to find the words she’s looking for.</p><p>“I think what she’s trying to say is your lyrics are a little gay, Soyeon.” Miyeon interjects.</p><p>Soojin flushes. Yuqi and Minnie go quiet. Shuhua looks back down at her lyric sheet. <em>Oh my god. She took me to the sky. Oh my god. She showed me all the stars. </em></p><p>Shuhua feels heat rush to her cheeks. <em>Oh</em>.</p><p>“So?” Soyeon says, completely unphased.</p><p>“N-Nothing.” Soojin stutters. “I didn’t know if it was intentional or…”</p><p>“A mistake?” Soyeon chuckles. “Nope. Can’t say it was entirely intentional, more subconscious really, but I like it and I think you guys will too once you hear the guide.”</p><p>“O-okay.”</p><p>“Lighten up, Soojin. It’s 2020, everybody’s a little gay.” Miyeon shrugs, earning a laugh from Soyeon, Minnie, and Yuqi. Shuhua takes note that Soojin doesn’t even smile. A feeling of dread swirls in her chest. <em>Is Soojin homophobic?</em></p><p>Before Shuhua can stop herself she blurts out, “I know I am.”</p><p>The room goes quiet momentarily before Soyeon cracks a smile.</p><p>“That I most definitely knew.”</p><p>Shuhua’s panic subsides slightly, but it begins to build with each passing second the other girls stay quiet.</p><p>“Wait, are you serious?” Yuqi asks.</p><p>Shuhua nods, suddenly feeling small.</p><p>“That’s great Shuhua.” Minnie beams.</p><p>“Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to tell us.” Miyeon adds.</p><p>“Huh, you don’t look like a lesbian.” Yuqi states, and everyone bursts out laughing, even Soojin manages to laugh at that.</p><p>-</p><p>The girls don’t treat her any differently, and if Soojin is homophobic, she does a pretty good job at hiding it. She doesn’t shy away from Shuhua’s affection anymore than she usually does, and continues to participate in skinship with her for their fans. After a while Shuhua forgets being gay makes her any different from the rest of them. That is, until it does.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. My First Kiss Went a Little Like This...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soojin’s never considered herself to be anything other than straight. She’s only ever dated guys, so she can’t be entirely certain, but she’s also never really been attracted to girls before either. Still, Miyeon’s words from the other day had gotten to her. <em>It’s 2020, everybody’s a little gay.</em> Is that true?</p>
<p>Her thoughts wander to the physical aspects of her past relationships. The sex had been average at best, considering it was the same thing over and over again. Granted, she didn’t really have much to compare it to other than what she did to herself in her free time, and suddenly its very apparent to Soojin just how long it’s been since she’s done either. With the lack of suitors available, her very limited time and incredibly long nails, Soojin doesn’t have much to work with. She walks over to her dresser, rooting around in the drawers for something she hasn’t looked for since she received it. There, buried in a mess of t-shirts, Soojin finds it. A hot pink vibrator one of her friends had given her for her twentieth birthday, when she officially became an adult. Soojin had been furious when she’d opened it in the middle of the restaurant they were having lunch at, but her friend assured her it would come in handy someday, especially in Soojin’s line of work. She eyes the toy for a few seconds, contemplating its use. She isn’t entirely sure if it will work, or if it even has batteries for that matter, but with her members out and about she figures now is as good a time as any to try it out. Miyeon and Soyeon had left about ten minutes ago to go shopping, Minnie and Yuqi were with the rest of Cube’s foreign line for lunch, and Shuhua had disappeared early this morning before any of the other girls were even awake. Soojin climbs back into bed, lying down in a more comfortable position. She hits the button on the side and the toy whirs to life. <em>Interesting.</em> She pulls her shorts and panties down in one swift motion, leaving them pooled around her ankles in case one of the girls comes back earlier than expected and she needs to quickly redress. Soojin decides to start out on the lowest setting, sucking in a sharp breath before placing the toy between her lips. The sensation is new, but surprisingly pleasant and the longer she leaves it between her thighs the more aroused she becomes. She drags it up slowly, resting it on her clit, letting out a soft moan. She pulls the vibrator back just enough to turn up the intensity. With her gaze directed downwards she can see just how wet she is. She makes a mental note to thank her friend the next time they catch up. With the vibrator set at the next highest setting, Soojin settles back down, running the toy through her folds. Her mind begins to wander yet again, searching for something else to focus on to edge her closer to her release. Images flicker across her eyelids, her past sexual encounters, a few x-rated fantasies she’s used before, but nothing seems to stick. As the pressure begins to build, her mind starts to focus in on one imagine in particular. It isn’t clear at first, and Soojin has to will herself to focus. She pulls the vibrator away once more, setting it to the highest level before pressing it directly against her clit in an effort to effectuate her release. She can feel herself dripping, thighs shaking from the immense pleasure she’s feeling, and she just needs a little something more to get her over the edge. In the brief seconds before she reaches her peak, Soojin’s mind finally focuses in on the image. It’s something so insignificant, something that happens so regularly that Soojin isn’t sure why she’s seeing it until it’s too late. It’s Shuhua staring up at her with those big brown eyes Soojin has come to love. <em>Unnie</em>. Soojin climaxes. She pulls the vibrator away, not even bothering to ride out her high at the realization that she’d just cum to the sound of Shuhua’s voice. <em>What the fuck?</em> Soojin should feel disgusted, ashamed even, but all she really feels at the moment is the pulsing coming from between her legs. Soojin drags her shorts and panties up her still shaking thighs, feeling like she needs a shower for more reasons than one. She nearly sprints to the bathroom when she hears the front door to the dorm open.</p>
<p>“Unnie’s, I’m home!”</p>
<p>It’s Shuhua. <em>Of course, it is</em>.</p>
<p>“It’s just me.” Soojin says, though it comes out as more of a whimper than a coherent response.</p>
<p>“Soojin Unnie?” Shuhua calls out, head popping into the hallway a moment later. “Where is everybody?”</p>
<p>“Out.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Shuhua says dejectedly, rather upset at the thought of the other girls going out without her.</p>
<p>Soojin is caught off guard when the younger girl’s frown turns into a mischievous grin.</p>
<p>“I can work with this.”</p>
<p>“W-What? What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Well, you said we’re alone. That means I don’t have to share you with anybody else.”</p>
<p>Soojin rolls her eyes. “You can be alone by yourself. I’m going to shower.”</p>
<p>“I could just shower with you.” Shuhua shrugs.</p>
<p>Soojin stops dead in her tracks, head spinning at the suggestion.</p>
<p>“Nope, no. Shuhua, that’s weird.”</p>
<p>“No, it’s not. I’ve showered with Yuqi before.”</p>
<p>Soojin feels her chest tighten. “You what?”</p>
<p>“We were both tired and neither of us wanted to wait for the other to finish so we just showered together. It’s no big deal.”</p>
<p>Soojin can only blink in response. <em>It’s no big deal?</em> Soojin has a feeling that if Shuhua showered with her, it would end up being a big deal.</p>
<p>“The answer is no, Shuhua.”</p>
<p>“Fine.” Shuhua huffs, spinning on her heels and disappearing back down the hallway. “I’ll just wait till you’re finished.”</p>
<p><em>I’ll just wait till you’re finished.</em> Soojin swallows thickly. This is not how she expected her free time to go. She rushes into the bathroom, double checking the door is locked behind her. She isn’t sure she can handle Shuhua ‘accidently’ walking in on her. Soojin stares at herself in the mirror, taking in her disheveled appearance. <em>Get it together</em>, she mentally scolds herself. Getting off to the image of Shuhua had been a fluke. It was not going to happen again.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>It does happen again, more than Soojin would like to admit, and when Shuhua so nonchalantly admits to liking girls, Soojin doesn’t even process it until she’s lying in bed later that night willing her hands not to slip under the band of her night shorts. She thinks she’s starting to lose it. Soojin has never been attracted to Shuhua before, so why can’t she seem to keep the younger girl out of her head nowadays? Soojin has so many questions. How many girls has Shuhua dated, kissed, gone further than that with?  Does she even have the right to ask? She wonders what it’s like. If it’s any different than being with a guy. <em>Well, duh. </em>Of course it is, but she can’t stop her thoughts from wandering anyways.</p>
<p>“Do you want to come with us?” Soyeon asks, startling Soojin.</p>
<p>She shakes her head for what feels like the millionth time today, trying to rid herself from thoughts of Shuhua.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. You good?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I was just really into this show.” Soojin lies.</p>
<p>Soyeon glances over her shoulder. If she doesn’t believe Soojin, she doesn’t say so.</p>
<p>“Right… so do you want to come or not?”</p>
<p>“Where are you going?”</p>
<p>“Miyeon and I were going to head to the studio.” Soyeon states, gesturing to where the older girl is lacing up her boots.</p>
<p>“Oh. No, I’m good here. Thanks though.”</p>
<p>“Okay, well, Minnie and Yuqi are out with the foreign line again so I wouldn’t expect them home anytime soon, but Shuhua should be back from her tutor within the hour.”</p>
<p>Soojin lets that sink in. She’s going to be alone with Shuhua… <em>again</em>. Hopefully this time she can act accordingly. She isn’t sure how long she spends staring off into space. Sometime between Soyeon and Miyeon leaving, and Shuhua stumbling through the front door.</p>
<p>“Stupid fucking tutor.” She grumbles, flopping down on the couch next to Soojin.</p>
<p>Soojin can’t help but stare. Shuhua must feel Soojin’s eyes on her because the next thing she knows Shuhua is staring back, brow quirked in question.</p>
<p>“What?” Shuhua asks.</p>
<p>“Nothing.”</p>
<p>Soojin turns her attention back to the TV, trying to decipher what’s going on in the storyline. She can see Shuhua shifting in her peripheral vision, seemingly listening for the other members.</p>
<p>“Did we get ditched again?”</p>
<p>“You got ditched. They offered for me to tag along.”</p>
<p>“Rude, Unnie.” Shuhua scoffs. “Why didn’t you go with them?”</p>
<p>“I’m watching my shows.” Soojin nods towards the television.</p>
<p>Shuhua seems to register that it’s on for the first time since she sat down. “I’ve never seen you watch this before.”</p>
<p>“It’s new.”</p>
<p>Shuhua’s silence gets the better of her and when Soojin turns to look at the younger girl she’s greeted with a smirk. Soojin tries to ignore the way it makes her skin crawl.</p>
<p>“You just wanted to spend time with me, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>“W-what?”</p>
<p>“I get it. I’d want to spend time with me too.” Shuhua says, standing up to stretch. “I’m just going to change and then you can have me all to yourself.”</p>
<p>“You’re insufferable.” Soojin groans, flicking Shuhua off as she bounds down the hallway.</p>
<p>The scenario is so familiar that Soojin almost feels like things are going back to normal. That is until Shuhua returns in a pair of track pants and an oversized t-shirt, hair tied in a loose ponytail. Soojin feels her mouth go dry at the sight. <em>So maybe we’re not back to normal yet.</em>This time Soojin can’t help but stare. She’s always found Shuhua beautiful. The younger girl is attractive, objectively speaking, but ever since that day with the vibrator, Soojin hasn’t been able to stop thinking about just how attractive Shuhua really is. Soojin gets caught staring again, and this time Shuhua isn’t going to let it go.</p>
<p>“What?” Shuhua asks.</p>
<p>“Nothing.”</p>
<p>“It’s clearly not nothing because you haven’t stopped staring at me since I got home. What is it? Am I just so beautiful you can’t keep your eyes off me?”</p>
<p>“How did you know you liked girls?”</p>
<p>Soojin regrets the question the moment it comes out of her mouth.</p>
<p>“Wow, okay, I wasn’t expecting that.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Soojin flushes. “I shouldn’t have asked.</p>
<p>“No, no. It’s okay. I’m just surprised is all… I thought you… never mind.”</p>
<p>Soojin makes a mental note to come back to that later.</p>
<p>“I guess I’ve always known? I mean I was never really into any guys like my friends were. So, at a young age I asked my parents, and they explained it all to me. They were really cool about it, so I guess I came out of it pretty well adjusted. I mean I’m out and all that, just not out to the general public because… well, you know… we live in a very conservative country. I guess I should’ve told you guys sooner, and I’m sorry if I make you uncomfortable, but I’m not ashamed of who I am.”</p>
<p>“No!” Soojin shouts, startling Shuhua. “T-That’s not it at all.”</p>
<p>Soojin is uncomfortable, but it certainly isn’t because Shuhua’s gay.</p>
<p>“Is it different?”</p>
<p>“Is what different?”</p>
<p>“Being with a girl instead of a guy.”</p>
<p>Shuhua’s brows raise in surprise and only then does Soojin realize how sexual her question sounds.</p>
<p>“Kissing, I mean.”</p>
<p>“Well,” Shuhua starts, scratching at the back of her neck. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve only ever kissed girls.”</p>
<p>Soojin finds her next question spilling out before she can stop herself.</p>
<p>“Can we try?”</p>
<p>“Try what?”</p>
<p>“Kissing.”</p>
<p>“You want to kiss me?” Shuhua asks, flabbergasted.</p>
<p>“Well… you’ve only kissed girls, and I’ve only kissed guys, so if I kissed you, I’d be able to tell if there was a difference, right?”</p>
<p>Shuhua tilts her head slightly, as if pondering Soojin’s theory.</p>
<p>“Soojin, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”</p>
<p>The sudden drop of honorifics gives Soojin goosebumps. Apparently, she’s not very good at hiding her surprise because Shuhua is grabbing her hand, looking panicked.</p>
<p>“I-it’s not that I don’t want to kiss you… because god, I do.” Shuhua groans. “It’s just… once we do it, we can’t take it back, and we’re in the same group. I don’t want things to be weird between us.”</p>
<p>“They won’t.”</p>
<p>Soojin isn’t sure who she’s trying to convince at this point, Shuhua or herself. Something flickers across the younger girls’ face, but it’s gone before Soojin can decipher it.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to be an experiment for you, Soojin. That’s not really fair to me. You know I’d do anything for you, but I’m just not sure I can do this.”</p>
<p>Soojin feels the guilt swell in her chest.<em> How could she be so stupid?</em> She shouldn’t have asked so much of the younger girl. As much as Soojin wants to tell Shuhua she isn’t an experiment, as much as Soojin wants to tell Shuhua she’s been thinking about kissing her for months now, she can’t. There’s still that slim chance that Soojin will hate kissing girls, and then she’ll have hurt Shuhua for no reason. Soojin has a feeling that if she does kiss Shuhua, hatred isn’t what she’s going to be feeling.</p>
<p>“You’re right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”</p>
<p>Soojin turns her attention back towards the television, cheeks red in embarrassment. <em>What did she just do?</em></p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Shuhua can only stare at Soojin in awe. Soojin wants to kiss her. <em>Her.</em> It’s unbelievable. It’s the only thing Shuhua’s wanted since the first day they met, and when the opportunity finally presents itself, what does she do? She rejects Soojin. Shuhua studies the older girl carefully, looking for any indication this is just some sick joke. She notes the fading pink tinge dusting her cheeks and Shuhua swears she’s never seen Soojin look so beautiful. Shuhua places her hand on Soojin’s thigh, garnering the older girls’ attention.</p>
<p>“Are you sure this is what you want?”</p>
<p>She needs to hear it again, to make sure this isn’t a dream, to make sure this is really happening. Soojin’s gaze flickers from Shuhua’s eyes down to her lips.</p>
<p>“I really want to kiss you.”</p>
<p>Shuhua’s resolve is broken. She’d do anything Soojin wants, all she has to do is ask. She leans forward slightly, scanning Soojin for any sign that she wants Shuhua to stop. Soojin’s eyes flutter shut, and Shuhua continues. She stops short of Soojin’s lips, feeling the older girl’s breath ghost across her face. Shuhua sucks in a deep breath and closes the gap between them. <em>Soft. </em>Is the first thought that comes to Shuhua’s mind. Soojin’s lips are soft. Shuhua stays rigid, keeping her lips pressed against Soojin’s for a few seconds before pulling away completely. It isn’t the kiss she’d imagined, but she was too terrified to do anything else. She doesn’t want to scare Soojin off. She searches the older girls face for a look of disgust or worse, hatred, but there’s nothing. Shuhua expects the silence, anticipates yelling, and fears being slapped. What she doesn’t expect is Soojin to grab her by the collar and smash their lips together again. Soojin rocks forward onto her knees, clearly displeased with the space between them, and Shuhua's hands shoot out to grip the older girl’s waist in an effort to keep them both upright. Unfortunately, or fortunately, she hasn’t decided yet, Soojin’s legs lock on either side of Shuhua’s right thigh. The sudden impact causes Soojin to gasp, providing Shuhua with the perfect opportunity to slip her tongue into the older girl's mouth. Soojin tastes like the watermelon chapstick Shuhua always sees her applying, and Shuhua makes a mental note to buy some for herself later so she can keep this memory alive. Shuhua pulls back slightly, earning a groan of disapproval from Soojin who tries to chase her back into a kiss. Shuhua grins, placing a kiss to Soojin’s nose before turning her attention to the older girl’s jawline. She trails up Soojin’s jaw, nipping at her ear before kissing down her neck. Shuhua lets her teeth scrape across Soojin’s throat, feeling it vibrate as the older girl tries not to make a sound. Feeling bold, Shuhua goes lower, kissing Soojin’s collarbone and even making it to her cleavage before Soojin’s hands are in her hair, pulling her back into a searing kiss. With her focus back on Soojin’s lips, Shuhua finally has the ability to register the slight grinding against her thigh. Her grip tightens on Soojin’s waist, guiding the older girl until Soojin’s fully rocking into her. Shuhua doesn’t realize what’s happened until Soojin’s moaning into her mouth, movements becoming slower, kisses turning into simple pecks on each other’s lips. It ends with their foreheads pressed together, breathe heavy. Shuhua wants to say something, anything really, but she’s afraid if she opens her mouth Soojin will take-off running. Shuhua feels her heart jump to her throat when Soojin pulls back, eyes wide. <em>Fuck.</em></p>
<p>“Thanks.” Is all Soojin says before she’s out of Shuhua’s lap and down the hall.</p>
<p>Shuhua hears a door slam and then the shower start running. She thinks she’s going to be sick. Soojin had to shower after kissing her. What a nightmare. Shuhua runs a hand through her messy hair. She knew this was a bad idea and she did it anyways. She has to get out of these clothes. She can’t stay in them any longer. Not when Soojin’s perfume seems permanently imbedded in them due to their tryst on the couch. Shuhua stands, finding her track pants riding a little higher than usual. When she looks down, she nearly faints. She sprints down the hall when she hears the front door opening, changing as quickly as she can, nearly breaking her neck in the process. Not two seconds after she’s finished does the door to her bedroom swing open, revealing Yuqi, her brows raised.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“I was in the middle of changing when I heard you guys come in, and you never knock, so I nearly died trying to finish before you busted in.” Shuhua mentally pats herself on the back for coming up with such a coherent response.</p>
<p>Yuqi scoffs. “Right, because I’ve never seen you naked before.”</p>
<p>Shuhua flushes. “I like my privacy!”</p>
<p>“Whatever, just hurry up. Minnie and I brought snacks.”</p>
<p>“Be right out.”</p>
<p>Shuhua lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding when Yuqi finally leaves. She pulls back the sheets on her bed where she’d haphazardly stashed her clothes before Yuqi arrived. She holds up her discarded track pants, swallowing thickly. There, on the right thigh, was a very distinct wet spot. <em>Fuck</em>. Shuhua is so fucked.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Two Idiots and a Much Needed Conversation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They don’t talk about it, because of course they don’t. Soojin is too embarrassed to say anything, and Shuhua is too afraid to bring it up. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk about it, because clearly they need too, but Soojin isn’t sure she’s ready to face the younger girl yet. Soojin isn’t sure she’ll ever be. She’s so preoccupied with her thoughts that she doesn’t see the person in front of her until she’s already walked into them.</p><p>“Hey, you alright?”</p><p>
  <em>Hui.</em>
</p><p>Soojin doesn’t expect it to be so weird, running into her ex like this. She’s always been on good terms with Hui, so why is she suddenly so nervous?</p><p>“Y-Yeah, sorry. I’m a little distracted.”</p><p>“I can see that.” Hui laughs, and Soojin is transported back to when they first met, back to when she first developed feelings for him.</p><p>The thing is, Soojin still finds him attractive, still finds her heart skipping a beat when he smiles, still has those lingering feelings one never seems to lose for their first love. So why can’t she stop thinking about Shuhua instead?</p><p>“Are you sure you’re alright?” Hui asks, brows furrowing in concern the longer Soojin stays quiet.</p><p>“Yeah, sorry. Soyeon’s going to kill me if I’m late to practice again.”</p><p>“No worries.” He says.</p><p>Soojin turns in the direction of the practice room, stopping when she feels Hui’s hand on her wrist. She does her best to ignore the fact that his hands are so much rougher than Shuhua’s.</p><p>“I was just wondering… you know if you’re not busy later… if you wanted to grab coffee or something? We just haven’t hung out in a while.” He says, scratching at the back of his neck with his free hand.</p><p>Soojin smiles. <em>Same old Hui</em>. Confident in everything except women.</p><p>“Yeah, I’d like that.”</p><p>“Great.” He beams. “Same number?”</p><p>Soojin opens her mouth to respond but can’t seem to find her words once she catches sight of Yuqi and Shuhua rounding the corner. They stop to greet Hui, and Soojin doesn’t miss the way Shuhua’s brows raise at the sight of his hand on Soojin’s wrist. The two continue to the dance studio without sparing another glance, and Soojin feels like she’s been caught cheating. Which is weird considering Hui is her ex and Shuhua’s… well… Shuhua.</p><p>“Same number.” She says quickly, bidding her goodbyes and rushing off down the hall.</p><p>Soojin wonders if the other girls can sense her discomfort when she steps into the room.</p><p>“Nice of you to join us.” Soyeon jokes from the other side of the room, hooking her phone up to the speakers.</p><p>Soojin shuffles towards the cubbies, grabbing her sneakers off the shelf. When she turns to her right, she’s greeted with Yuqi’s face.</p><p>“So…”</p><p>“So what?” Soojin asks, slipping on her shoes.</p><p>“You know what.” Yuqi wiggles her brows.</p><p>“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”</p><p>“Oh come on, Soojin. We saw you!”</p><p>Soojin’s gaze flickers between Yuqi and Shuhua who’s doing a pretty poor job at pretending to be uninterested.</p><p>“Saw what?” Miyeon asks, garnering the rest of the girl’s attention.</p><p>Soojin feels her cheeks begin to warm.</p><p>“Soojin and Hui were holding hands in the hallway.”</p><p>Miyeon squeals in excitement, but Soojin’s more concerned about the estranged look Minnie and Soyeon exchange.</p><p>“We were not!” Soojin states. “He merely grabbed my wrist to stop me from walking away so he could ask me for my number.”</p><p>The room goes quiet, even Shuhua stops fiddling with her shoelaces. Yuqi smirks.</p><p>“Oh no, that’s a much better explanation, thanks for that.”</p><p>“Fuck you, Yuqi.” Soojin growls.</p><p>“Frankly my dear, I don’t think I’m your type.” Yuqi laughs, her flair for dramatics making Soojin’s blood boil.</p><p>“Shut up, Yuqi.”</p><p>Yuqi’s head snaps in Shuhua’s direction, eyes wide in surprise.</p><p>“W-What?”</p><p>“If Soojin says nothing happened, nothing happened. Leave it alone.”</p><p>Yuqi goes to protest, but Shuhua shoots her a murderous glare.</p><p>“Whatever.” Yuqi huffs, crossing her arms over her chest in annoyance. “You always take her side.”</p><p>Shuhua quirks a brow at that. Soojin half expects the younger girl to disagree, but Shuhua’s lips stay pressed into a thin line.</p><p>“Well… on that happy note, “Soyeon interjects. “Shall we practice?”</p><p>-</p><p>Soojin half expects Shuhua to let it go. They’ve ignored it this long, what’s the point in breaking the streak? She hears a soft knock on her door, finding Shuhua already standing in the doorway. It’s obvious the younger girl has just finished washing up, water still dripping from the ends of her hair. She looks <em>soft</em>, Soojin thinks, in the oversized shirt she’s wearing. Shuhua’s tugging at the sleeves nervously, and Soojin feels guilty.</p><p>“Can we talk?”</p><p>“About?”</p><p>Soojin knows it isn’t fair, but she’s just not ready. Shuhua rolls her eyes, stepping fully into the room.</p><p>“You know what.”</p><p>Soojin doesn’t say anything, fearing what will come out if she does ever open her mouth.</p><p>“You promised things wouldn’t be weird.”</p><p>“They’re not.” Soojin says, and she believes it.</p><p>They act the same as they always do, still participating in skinship for the fans, still putting on a front that everything’s okay between them. None of the other girls have said anything, wouldn’t they if they noticed something was off?</p><p>“Then why can’t you look at me?”</p><p>Soojin hadn’t even realized she’d been staring at the floor. She lifts her gaze to meet Shuhua’s pleading brown eyes and understands why her subconscious had directed her to do so in an instant. Soojin wants to kiss her again, and that isn’t going to solve anyone’s problems, it’s only going to make them worse.</p><p>“I knew this was a mistake. God, I’m such an idiot. I shouldn’t have let you talk me into this.”</p><p>Soojin feels anger flare in her chest.</p><p>“I don’t remember you complaining when you had your tongue down my throat.”</p><p>Shuhua’s head snaps up, and Soojin regrets snapping at her once she sees the storm brewing behind the younger girls’ eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Hurt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Anger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love.</em>
</p><p>“You asked.” Shuhua snarls. “And I don’t remember you asking me to stop either.”</p><p>“Whatever, I had a theory to test and I did. That’s it.”</p><p>Shuhua’s anger seems to dissipate momentarily, replaced by immense confusion.</p><p>“That’s it? That’s all you have to say after what happened?”</p><p>Soojin shrugs.</p><p>“Wow. You and I clearly remember things differently then.”</p><p>“Oh? How do you remember them?”</p><p>Shuhua smirks, leaning on the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest.</p><p>“I remember you asking me to kiss you. I remember saying no, and you practically begging me too.”</p><p>“Begging?! You’ve lost your mind.”</p><p>Shuhua shrugs, the smirk ever prevalent on her face. It makes Soojin’s blood boil. It makes her want to slap it right off the younger girls face. It makes her regret her next words.</p><p>“Fuck you, Shuhua.”</p><p>The younger girl takes it as a challenge.</p><p>“Didn’t you already do that?”</p><p>“W-What?” Soojin feels her heart stop. <em>So she had noticed</em>. “Shut up, Shuhua. I’m not gay.”</p><p>“What would you call grinding into my thigh and cumming on my track pants then? Because that to me is pretty gay, Soojin.”</p><p>Soojin bolts upright, storming out the door, making sure to knock shoulders with Shuhua as she goes. She doesn’t miss the look of surprise on the younger girl’s face, the sudden realization that she pushed Soojin too far, but before Shuhua can even utter a single word Soojin’s gone.</p><p>-</p><p>She ends up at Cube, wandering through the basement until she hears the familiar tune. She doesn’t bother knocking. She knows Soyeon doesn’t care. She walks into Soyeon’s studio and faceplants the couch in the back of the room.</p><p>“You good?” Soyeon asks, gaze still fixed on the computer in front of her.</p><p>“Not really.” Soojin replies, voice muffled by the leather.</p><p>“Fair enough.”</p><p>Soojin hadn’t planned on telling Soyeon, she hadn’t planned on telling anyone ever, but if she doesn’t talk to someone about this she’s going to explode.</p><p>“I made out with Shuhua.”</p><p>Soojin isn’t sure what she expected, but Soyeon’s response isn’t it.</p><p>“I figured something happened between you two.”</p><p>“W-What?” Soojin gapes, sitting up to stare at her leader in shock.</p><p>“Well, you went from longing looks to looking like you wanted to tear each other’s clothes off, so I just assumed something happened between you two. But I wasn’t about to ask about it either.”</p><p>Soojin groans, falling back into the couch.</p><p>“And I can see you did the mature thing and talked about it after, huh?”</p><p>Soojin shakes her head. Soyeon sighs, turning around to finally give Soojin her full attention. She waves at the other girl to continue.</p><p>“I was too embarrassed.”</p><p>“About kissing Shuhua?”</p><p>“Yes! No, I don’t know.”</p><p>“Why would you be embarrassed about that? She’s cute.”</p><p>“Yeah… Wait, no! Soyeon, you’re not helping.”</p><p>“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the whole story. Why are you really embarrassed, Soojin?”</p><p>“Because I’m straight? Because I’ve never liked a girl before? Because of all the girls I could possibly like, I like Shuhua? Because all I can think about every time I see her, is how badly I want to kiss her again? Because she’s being so fucking smug about me grinding on her while we were kissing?”</p><p>“Wait, wait. I’m sorry, you did what now?”</p><p>Soojin flushes. “Things got a little heated while we were making out.”</p><p>Soyeon raises a hand to stop her. “Okay, I don’t need the details of that exchange.”</p><p>Soojin is grateful that Soyeon isn’t going to make her relive the humiliation.</p><p>“Soojin, do you like Shuhua?”</p><p>
  <em>Of course I do!</em>
</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Did you like kissing her?”</p><p>
  <em>Oh god, yes.</em>
</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Do you want that to continue?”</p><p>“I-I don’t know.” Soojin wants to cry.</p><p>“That’s okay. You don’t have to label yourself, but you also don’t have to figure this out on your own either. We’re all here for you. Nobody cares if you’re gay, straight, bi, etc. We love you for who you are not because you like guys like Hui, or girls like Shuhua. We all just want you to be happy, okay?”</p><p>“Thanks, Soyeon.” Soojin smiles.</p><p>Sometimes she wonders what she would do without this support system. These girls really are her family.</p><p>“Anytime.” Soyeon shrugs. “Hey, Soojin? Maybe next time don’t get all hot and heavy somewhere we all hangout though, okay?”</p><p>Soojin takes it back. She loves everyone but Soyeon. “I hate you.”</p><p>-</p><p>Shuhua finds herself lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling as she attempts to come up with the perfect apology for when she sees Soojin. She didn’t mean to push her. She never wanted to upset the older girl, but Shuhua had been so hurt by Soojin’s reaction to this whole thing that she couldn’t stop herself. There’s a knock on her door and Shuhua lifts her head just enough to catch Minnie entering the room.</p><p>“Is everything alright?” Minnie asks.</p><p>“Just peachy.” Shuhua scoffs. “Other than the fact that I’m an idiot.”</p><p>Minnie laughs “You’re not an idiot, Shuhua.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what I did.”</p><p>“You mean that thing with Soojin?”</p><p>Shuhua bolts upright, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “How do you know about that?”</p><p>“I don’t.” Minnie shrugs. “Not really, but considering how she just stormed out and you’re in here pouting, I just assumed.”</p><p>“I’m not pouting.”</p><p>“Hiding then?”</p><p>Shuhua goes to protest, but finds she has nothing to say. There’s only so many places Soojin can go. It wouldn’t be that difficult for Shuhua to find her and apologize, but here she is.</p><p>“Okay… maybe I am hiding.”</p><p>Shuhua groans, falling back against her mattress. Minnie takes a seat on the edge of her bed, patting her thigh, and Shuhua takes that as a sign to continue.</p><p>“We kissed, and I know we shouldn’t have, but she asked me too and she’s…”</p><p>“Soojin.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Shuhua sighs. “I made a point never to get involved with someone in our company, let alone anyone in the same group, but Soojin is…”</p><p>“Different?”</p><p>Shuhua nods. “I’ve had a crush on her for like ever, and how can I say no to that face, you know? She promised me things wouldn’t be weird, but I fucked everything up.”</p><p>“How do you know that?”</p><p>“Hello?” Shuhua gestures towards the door. “She stormed out of here. She hates me!”</p><p>“Did she tell you that?”</p><p>“Well… no… but…”</p><p>“So how do you know she hates you?”</p><p>“She ran away from me after we kissed. She won’t even look at me anymore!”</p><p>“Did you talk to her about it?”</p><p>“I tried!”</p><p>“Did you? Did you really, or did you let your paranoia get the better of you and end up saying things you didn’t mean?”</p><p>Shuhua opens her mouth, closing it once she realizes Minnie’s right.</p><p>“That’s what I thought. Shuhua, you’re never going to know why she reacted that way if you don’t talk to her, and I mean actually talk to her.”</p><p>“What’s the point. I know what she’s going to say.” Shuhua says dejectedly.</p><p>“No, you don’t. Shuhua, did you ever think that maybe Soojin reacted that way because she doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that she might like girls? Not to mention the fact that she might like you? Someone in the same group? Shuhua, her reaction could have nothing to do with you, or it could have everything to do with you, but you’re never going to know unless you talk to her.”</p><p>Shuhua knows Minnie is right, she just hates it.</p><p>“I know Soojin’s reaction wasn’t what you were expecting, but you need to understand that not everyone is like you. Not everyone is as comfortable with their sexuality as you are, and you need to give Soojin time to sort out her feelings. If she likes girls, great. If she doesn’t, that’s cool too. Either way, you need to let her figure it out at her own pace. This isn’t just about you, okay? I know you care about Soojin. So no matter what she decides you’re going to respect her decision because she’s your friend first, right?”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“Good.” Minnie smiles, she gives Shuhua’s thigh a gentle squeeze before standing. “It’ll be fine, I promise.”</p><p>Shuhua watches Minnie turn to leave, a feeling of dread swelling in her chest.</p><p>“And if it isn’t?”</p><p>Minnie pats at her shoulders. “I’ve got two of these bad boys you can cry on.”</p><p>-</p><p>Shuhua’s grateful for the pep talk, she really is, but she can’t help still feeling lost. All she wants is Soojin to be happy, even if that means being happy with someone else. As much as Shuhua likes the idea of being in a relationship with Soojin, she likes the idea of still being friends with her more. She can hear someone entering her doorway again, and assumes it’s Minnie coming back to check on her considering Yuqi would’ve announced her presence by now.</p><p>“I’m fine, really.”</p><p>“Good to know.”</p><p><em>That’s not Minnie.</em> Shuhua sits upright, gaze locking with Soojin.</p><p>“Hi.” Soojin says with a half-hearted smile.</p><p>“Hi.”</p><p>Shuhua curses herself for being blindsided, her well drafted apology vanishing at the mere sight of the older girl.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Soojin says, and Shuhua is so shocked by Soojin apologizing when Shuhua’s the one who should be apologizing that she can’t say anything at all. “I know you must hate me…”</p><p>That certainly gets Shuhua’s attention. She leaps off her bed, nearly falling, and rushes towards Soojin. She wants to reach for her, to hold Soojin in her arms and assure her that everything is okay, but Shuhua hesitates. Her hands freeze midair, arms falling limp at her sides.</p><p>“I-I don’t hate you, Soojin. God, I could never hate you. Please don’t ever think that.”</p><p>Soojin nods, tears welling in her eyes, and Shuhua melts.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Soojin. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I forget sometimes that people aren’t like me, so nonchalant and open about everything. I should have just asked you how you were feeling instead of assuming. I promise, I won’t do that again. I just want you to be happy. If you want to forget this ever happened and just move on, I can do that. I can do whatever you want because I’m your friend first, Soojin. I love you, no matter what.”</p><p>“I love you too.” Soojin smiles. “But I don’t think we can go back to the way things were before.”</p><p>“Oh… Okay, that’s fine too. Whatever you need.” Shuhua says, trying to sound upbeat.</p><p>“Cute.”</p><p>Shuhua quirks a brow.</p><p>“I’m not saying I don’t want to be friends with you Shuhua. I’m saying I don’t think I can be <em>just</em> friends with you. I love you, but I also might be a little <em>in </em>love with you.”</p><p>Shuhua lets that sink in for a minute, heat rising to her cheeks when she realizes what Soojin just said.</p><p>“Oh… So, where do we go from here?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Soojin sighs. “I don’t want to ask you to wait for me, but I need some time.”</p><p>“Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.” Shuhua assures her. “Besides, who in their right mind wouldn’t wait for you?”</p><p>Soojin laughs. “Thanks, I think.”</p><p>As the older girl turns to leave, Shuhua calls out to her. There is still something she needs clarification on.</p><p>“Unnie?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“We are still friends, right?”</p><p>“Yes, Shuhua. We’re still friends.”</p><p>“Oh, thank god. I couldn’t imagine being stuck doing fanservice with Yuqi, or god forbid <em>Miyeon</em>.”</p><p>Soojin shakes her head, a small smile gracing her lips. “You’re ridiculous.”</p><p>With that, she’s gone, leaving Shuhua alone with her thoughts. Shuhua makes a mental note to thank Minnie later, she feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders after her talk with Soojin. Shuhua smiles. <em>They’re going to be okay</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My computer crashed and decided to delete everything I had already written for this story, but I spent the last four hours rewriting everything so I will still continue this fic!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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